nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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