Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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