Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
