My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
