i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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