I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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