Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
