When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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