Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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