Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
