wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize