Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're my little dorito
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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