hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
