Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
