At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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