Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
