You just made me feel so damn special
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
