Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
