Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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