capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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