She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize