i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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