Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.

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(415): View more from California

Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.

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(416): View more from Toronto

thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.

(763): View more from Minnesota

I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.

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(914): View more from New York

Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???

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(503): View more from Oregon

I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.

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