so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
