My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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