the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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