her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
