I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
