The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
