Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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