My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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