he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
