you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
