apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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