My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
