6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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