Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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