I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
