Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
