So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
