Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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