Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
