god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's like iHOP with fire
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
