Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
