We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
