the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
