If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
