My sheets look like a crime scene.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
