Hey man sorry I got all grabby
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
