He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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