I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
