Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
