I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
