i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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