i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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