Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think weed is turning my hair brown
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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