You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
