she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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