I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
