So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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