Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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