can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
