She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
