remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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