Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
