She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
