I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
