I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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