Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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