god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
