Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
