You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
