this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
