he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
