Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
