Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
